I didn’t have my new sweater on that day. At the time, I was in a terrible mood. I pulled off my new favorite sweater and threw it in the laundry. I thought, “if I had my old sweater on, I would feel better; but now that I have this new one, I can’t believe that I don’t have my old sweater on.
I am a sucker for new t-shirts. This was no different. I had my old, beloved t-shirt in my drawer and suddenly I had this weird feeling that I was seeing the old t-shirt on me. I had a really hard, hard time not getting mad.
I can understand the idea for the sweater. I think it was just an expression of my frustration with my personal life. I have a lot of time to think about these things. I always feel like I should be doing something. I am not sure I would have even been able to do something if I didn’t have this time. I guess it’s just the way I am.
No one in my life can ever take a “no” for an answer. I have a very hard time taking “no” for an answer. I have to force myself to do it. I am so used to the “no” that I don’t even know what it is. It is just a feeling. It’s like a wave of anger or frustration.
The feeling of wanting something is a feeling, and it can be all too real. There are times I want to have done everything right but feel I just didn’t make it. It’s a very sad feeling. It can be a very hard thing to shake out of your head.
It’s a feeling that I’ve come to hate more and more as I’ve gotten older. It’s like a wave of sadness or despair. When I feel that way, it’s hard to feel anything else but sadness. Even knowing it has a name, it’s still very hard to shake. And the feeling of wanting to have done everything right but that you don’t feel you can please everyone else is just so damn sad. It’s what I think this is.
I’m sure some of this is just a part of the inevitable aging process, but sometimes I wish I could be more like my mother. She was a very strong woman who wasn’t afraid to say what she thought. In fact, she actually used to say exactly the same thing: that she didn’t care what people thought. At least in her mind, she didn’t care.
Its not only the age that has made me want to be like my mother, but I just feel like I spend so much of my life avoiding people that I dont know what to say. In a way, its like I have a bad habit of asking for things that I know are not always the right thing for me. Which I guess is a good thing.
Imma say no more because I dont know what I would do if I were to be in a real-life situation like that. And I do not want to be like my mother. I am very worried about being a mother.
As far as I can tell, the way I was raised, I would never let anyone see my face. I am very shy around strangers. I like to hide my face behind my hands and use my hands and feet to cover mine. I dont even like talking to people because I feel that it is too personal.